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Tea partiers need a drill instructor to get them into fighting shape
by Way2Close2OK
 Tea partiers need a drill instructor to get them into fighting shape
Aug 31, 2010 | 810 views | 30 30 comments | 21 21 recommendations | email to a friend | print | permalink

Political satire from John Kelso, Austin American-Statesman:

There's one thing that bugs me about the tea party, and it's not just the hate signs, or that I don't like tea.

Here's a group that claims to be a revolutionary movement. And if you look at this bunch, you'll notice the only way many of them could charge up San Juan Hill is in a Suburban. They're out of shape.

And scowls? Ever notice how grumbly tea partiers are? The tea party has more crab than Chesapeake Bay. You don't see any North Korean comics, and you don't see any tea partiers working at the Laugh Stop, either. There's a reason for this: These people need a good workout to make them feel better. I know. I go to the gym. And let's face it. You can't throw the tea overboard, folks, unless you can pick up the box, right?

I have a dream. In my dream, the tea party people are dropping down and giving me 20. According to CBS, you had 87,000 tea partiers gathered on Saturday at the Lincoln Memorial for Glenn Beck's rally. According to the tea party organizers, there were more than 300,000. But either way, you had this enormous crowd out there, standing around, twiddling their irate little thumbs, when what they really needed was an aerobics instructor working them over.

Ever notice how the tea party people rarely march? Instead, they bring lawn chairs and sit. At least Martin Luther King Jr.'s people did some hiking.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Kelso, that's silly. The tea party is a serious movement and doesn't have time for your frivolity."

And besides, the tea partiers don't want health care. They say it costs too much, and America can't afford it.

But what this country really can't afford is to have a cluster of mean-spirited, middle-aged sign carriers with high blood pressure running up health care costs because they're too lazy to do a few deep knee bends. Fact is, the more you exercise, the less money it costs to keep you alive and kicking.

The tea partiers complain about the high price of health care, but what group is going to need it most in a few years? You got it. These same cranks who moan about paying for it.

So the next time the tea party demonstrates, let's start with 10 jumping jacks, 10 push-ups, 10 pull-ups, and, OK, 10 minutes of crabbing about Obama. Hey, these folks are already out there, schooled up for group exercise. So why not bring in a drill sergeant to run 'em around? The tea partiers could even do the old basic training cadence chant with their own rewrite:

"Ain't no use in lookin' down, ain't no tax break on the ground: sound off, one two three four, one two, three-four."

And while we've got them there, why not give the old duffers a prostate exam? You know what they say about early detection.

 

Comments
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HellFire
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September 03, 2010
(This comment has been removed.)
Way2Close2OK
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September 03, 2010
(This comment has been removed.)
Beeville
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September 02, 2010
Yes guys, I did likely delete a post. (I have deleted a lot in the last 10 minutes.) And no, I don't always ad the note that it was deleted. Probably should though so y'all know it was me. I will try to remember to do it from now on but no guarantees.

But you know, I wouldn't have delete your comments if you could keep the name calling to a minimum. It doesn't help your cause which, I assume, is to convince the other that you are right. That and it would make my job a lot easier if y'all could be a little nicer.

Thanks,

Jason
HellFire
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September 02, 2010
History and observation shows us that when a comment is removed by Bee Pic staff there in its place is the tell tale (this comment has been removed) statement.

IMPEACH THE ILLEGAL ALIEN MUSLIM IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!!
Way2Close2OK
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September 02, 2010
Jack'n:

"You lie." Thanks for reminding us of the offensive quote from Rep. Joe Wilson last year. From the lips of one idiot to the keyboard of another!

Once again for the dense-minded. I did not delete any of your posts--your "contributions" serve the purpose of defining how foolish you are and I'm quite pleased to leave them for others to read.

I guess it's possible that you violated the censor's rules at the Bee-Pic so if you want to complain about deleted posts check with Jason who can verify that I made no deletions. I bet you won't bother though since it's much simpler to continue lying.

And yes, I'm LMAO @ you.
Way2Close2OK
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September 02, 2010
Jack'n:

By now you are aware that I did not delete any of your posts from this blog. The reason why is because I want everyone to know how ridiculous you are.

You'll have to contact John Kelso if you want him to write some satire about President Obama. As far as I'm aware, Kelso does not have anyone else write or contribute to his columns. Since you and your friends have the big bucks, it should be easy to make a deal.

HellFire
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September 02, 2010
(This comment has been removed.)
YellowDog
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September 02, 2010
By the number of postings by conservatives/GOP supporters, I would say the satire held a mirror right up to your faces and you didn't like what you saw at all.

BTW, is Glenn Beck running for God, rather than President?
hardhead
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September 01, 2010
The election is over and we ALL lost.

If we were to divide the country into two sides, liberals and conservatives, which side would survive? Everyone know the answer to that one.

Liberals would be invaded within an hour and would have to be slaves to their foreign masters that they love so much such as fidel, hugo and imanutjob.

They couldn't survive 1 day in the outdoors and there would be no welfare to live on. The rich liberal progressives would go underground again and never help their brain washed mental disordered followers.

You best keep conservatives around if you want to survive a little longer.

go drink your kool-aid yellowpup and waytoocloseforcomfort
YellowDog
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September 01, 2010
Satire a little too close to the truth, eh Jackbox?

Truth hurts.

Teabag partiers are such whiney babies.

The election is over and you lost, you just can't accept it. No one took anything from you.

But babies cry, even grown up Right Wing Nut Job Babies.

Keep attacking the messenger. The message won't change. You lost. Live with it for the next 2 years at minimum. That's right, there's a Democratic Party member who is President and he is not only Black but he's Christian.