We are looking at the circumstances in which we find ourselves and feel weighed down by the pain, the anguish, the betrayal – the whole spectrum of human angst about whatever we may be facing – and wonder when, or even if, we will see the light of day again.
Some attempt to mask the pain in short-sighted remedies that can cause more harm than good. Our remedies may do irreparable damage to ourselves or others in the process. We may become bitter by the trials that we have had to face, leaving more destruction in their wake.
“Things” may happen to us as well. Others of us choose to rise above our circumstances, reaching out to the hurting in our re-discovery of ourselves.
I spoke with my brother recently about some of my history. Married young, my first marriage ended in a flurry of destructive acts, not by me but to me. I’ve been told I was lucky to survive.
Perhaps. I think I was blessed. I think that God had something more in store for me. He blessed me with my late husband after my first debacle, then He pushed me to medical treatment that saved my life.
Years later, He brought me three children to love. As some of my “history” reappeared recently, my brother commented, “You know, you wouldn’t be the person you are today if it hadn’t been for that.”
Well, yes, I would, because I haven’t really changed much. I’m stronger in my convictions, I think. I know who I am and what I will tolerate, sometimes. I have realized “what” is good for me and what is not most of the time. I still slip up.
I know when to speak up and when to shut up. (Sidebar: Abraham Lincoln said, “It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” I think it was him.) I don’t always have that down yet, either.
The one thing I do know for sure is that I am markedly in a better place emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually than I would have ever been had I stayed. The blessings that came afterwards overshadowed the pain of the initial circumstances.
Life was a struggle for a long time and I am not without some struggles still. I have not been without pain since that time, but I do know that I have survived. Each time I am met with some heartache or brick wall to hinder my progress, God walks with me to guide me through. In Him, I have purpose. In Him, I find comfort and joy. In Him, I find love in a wonderfully merciful God.
He delivered me from the wretchedness that my life once was. What I choose to do with myself and my life from here rests solely on my shoulders as it has since I was 18 and I can point my fingers at no one else.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you ...” (Jeremiah 1:5)
And I think on the past long enough to say, “…you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day …” (Genesis 50:20)
Thank You, Lord, for always having my back, my front and all parts surrounding me.
May He bring you comfort this week.