WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A deep divide has emerged within the Republican Party over whether to waste Congress’s time investigating Benghazi talking points or repealing Obamacare, G.O.P. lawmakers confirmed today.
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Virginia), sounded the first discordant note at a press briefing this morning, telling reporters, “The time for wasting day after day investigating Benghazi is over. The American people are counting us to waste our time repealing Obamacare yet again.”
Warning that “the American people don’t have an endless appetite for meaningless political theater,” Cantor added, “If we’re going to do something that’s purely symbolic, pointless, and detached from reality, I say it should be repealing Obamacare for the thirtieth or fortieth time.”
Rep. Cantor’s comments drew a strong rebuke from Darrell Issa (R-California), who has spearheaded the investigation into Benghazi: “Quite frankly, we have all the time in the world to blow repealing Obamacare. The moment to waste our time investigating Benghazi is now.” Noting that previous attempts to repeal Obamacare had cost the taxpayers approximately fifty million dollars, Issa said, “I think we’re entitled to spend at least that much, if not more, investigating Benghazi again and again and again.”
But even as the debate raged over whether Obamacare or Benghazi was more worthy of Congress’ wasted time, House Speaker John Boehner offered a third point of view: “Personally, I think the time we’re wasting on Benghazi and Obamacare could be better spent blocking progress on guns and immigration.”
Posted By Andy Borowitz -
The Central Pacific Region, which includes the Hawaiian islands, is expected to experience another season of below-average tropical cyclone activity, the Central Pacific Hurricane Center announced today.
The Center, along with the National Weather Service, has predicted there will be a 70 percent chance of the Central Pacific having a below average season, a 25 percent chance of having a normal season, and just a 5 percent chance of having an above normal season.
The season begins June 1 and goes through Nov. 30.
Cats require specialized care, which is a fact even many cat lovers don't realize.
Ten common mistakes people owned by cats make:
1. Using products intended for dogs on their cat. Under certain circumstances, this can prove to be a fatal mistake. Never assume any product designed for dogs is safe for cats as well. Use only products that clearly state they are safe for kitties. (That includes catnip.)
2. Giving human medications. This, too, can prove fatal. Always consult your veterinarian before medicating your kitty. (Or getting it drunk.)
3. Allowing Fluffy to grow obese. Over half the domesticated cats in the U.S. are overfed and under-exercised. (Even I disagree with this one...lol.)
4. Inattention to the litter box. Cats are extremely clean creatures. They don't like dirty, smelly litter. They also have individual preferences when it comes to types of litter and litter boxes. (Get cleaning human.)
5. Taking a hands-off approach to your cat. It's true kitties are independent and self-sufficient by nature, but your furry feline still needs your help with brushing or combing, nail trims, dental hygiene and even the occasional bath. (pamper me dang it...)
6. Not taking Garfield to the vet for regular wellness checkups. Just because kitty doesn't like to visit the vet (or even leave the house) doesn't mean he shouldn't. Housecats are much less likely to see a vet regularly than their canine counterparts, to the detriment of their good health. (Again, I totally disagree...lol.)
7. Feeding dry food. Dry kibble is hands-down the worst thing you can feed your precious kitty. Most brands are devoid of exactly the kind of nourishment your cat needs to be healthy all her life. If you're feeding your cat dry food, I recommend you start today to make gradual improvements in her diet. (Or cheezburgers!)
8. Misinterpreting behavior changes in your kitty. Cats are stoic creatures. As a result, it can be challenging to know when your favorite feline isn't feeling well. One thing to look for is any change in his behavior, and in particular his litter box habits. Never assume a kitty that suddenly starts eliminating outside his box is misbehaving just to misbehave. Something about his health or his environment is causing the change, and he's depending on you to help him sort it out. (That's not what I meant...)
9. Assuming it's normal for your cat to throw up. It's not. While it's true too many cats vomit too often, throwing up is a sign of an underlying problem that requires attention. There are reasons kitties throw up. Hairballs are just one of them. (Only where you walk in it human.)
10. Not brushing those tiny teeth. Dental disease is one of the most common reasons cats visit the vet, and also one of the most costly. Dental disease isn't always confined to the mouth, either. It can lead to a host of other health problems for your furry feline. (Try it, I DARE you...lol!)
Dr. Karen Becker is a proactive and integrative wellness veterinarian. You can visit her site at: MercolaHealthyPets.com.
Her goal is to help you create wellness in order to prevent illness in the lives of your pets. This proactive approach seeks to save you and your pet from unnecessary stress and suffering by identifying and removing health obstacles even before disease occurs. Unfortunately, most veterinarians in the United States are trained to be reactive. They wait for symptoms to occur, and often treat those symptoms without addressing the root cause.
By reading Dr. Becker's information, you'll learn how to make impactful, consistent lifestyle choices to improve your pet's quality of life.
For more by Dr. Karen Becker, click here.
For more on pet health, click here.
It's that time of the year! - From eater.com
Is Austin's Franklin Barbecue about to get the highest honor in Texan smoked meats? Every five years Texas Monthly releases a list of the 50 best barbecue restaurants in the state, and every five years it causes a Texas-sized sh!%storm of people who agree/disagree with the rankings. The latest update will be released with the magazine's June issue, with the full list available online on Wednesday. Today they released the cover, and lo and behold: there's Aaron Franklin's signature brisket, ribs and sausage.
This is the first time Franklin Barbecue has even been eligible for the list: the original Franklin trailer opened in 2009, a full year after the last Texas Monthly Top 50 list crowned the then little-known Snow's in Lexington, Texas number one. Debuting at the top would be an incredible feat for the restaurant. Of course, there is no guarantee that cover placement means Franklin has the top slot. Stay tuned.
By Paula Forbes -
http://www.mediaite.com/tv/john-oliver-starts-mocking-sarah-palin-returning-to-fox-then-has-a-revelation-we-can-just-fking-ignore-her/