Nothing resolute about most resolutions
by Coy Slavik, Advance-Guard Editor
Jan 08, 2014 | 136 views | 0 0 comments | 9 9 recommendations | email to a friend | print
“I have no way of knowing how people really feel, but the vast majority of those I meet couldn’t be nicer. Every once in a while someone barks at me. My New Year’s resolution is not to bark back.” - Tucker Carlson

Every January, it seems my New Year’s resolution revolves around my waistline.

I’m not alone. According to Parade Magazine, the No. 1 resolution made each year is to drop some pounds.

Most of Parade’s Top 10 New Year’s resolutions involve self-improvement goals that require quitting something or starting something else.

I’m no saint by any means, but I just don’t have that many vices that jump out at me as needing serious attention.

I’ve never smoked, chewed or dated women that do. Cussing hasn’t been a problem since Momma washed my mouth out with a Lava soap bar for saying “dang it” when I was 5.

I haven’t hugged a commode since my early 20’s, so I guess the overindulgence of adult beverages isn’t an issue worthy of being addressed at this time.

I can’t think of any personal habits that I need to drop, but I’m sure my wife of 30 years could come up with one or two. But I’m not asking.

I considered soliciting readers’ suggestions on what you think I should aspire to change in 2014, but I wanted to get this year off on a positive note.

Come to think of it, I can’t recall any New Year’s resolutions I have kept, so maybe some reverse psychology may be in order.

I’m going to forbid all exercise in 2014. If history holds true, I will be running a marathon by March.

Also, I’m going to take procrastination to the next level this year. If past broken resolutions are any indication, that means I’ll actually be able to get a car in our garage by June and have our Christmas lights down by Valentine’s Day.

There might be something to this reverse psychology stuff.

It’s quite possible that a good resolution is one that doesn’t benefit ourselves, but makes other folks’ days a little easier to bear. I pledge this year to continue letting you go before me at the Commercial and Franklin four-way stop and keep opening the door for you at “The Tote” with a smile.

Maybe, instead of trying to “lighten” the load on our bathroom scales, an effective resolution this year for ourselves and those closest to us would be to simply “lighten up.” It’s no secret that 2013 brought heightened tensions along racial and political lines here and across the country.

Forget the new gym membership and scrap the reverse psychology strategy. I resolve to be more thankful for each day of 2014 and the relationships I will create over the next year.

I feel lighter already.
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