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The HereAfter
by LiberatedWoman
Mar 18, 2011 | 1246 views | 62 62 comments | 43 43 recommendations | email to a friend | print | permalink

Please enjoy the following humorous story with a wonderful moral.

 

James Richard “Rick” Perry dies.  His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter.  "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem:  We seldom see a Republican around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says Rick.

"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself:  He says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven.  Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."

"But, I've already made up my mind; I want to be in Heaven."

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules," says St. Peter.

And with that, St. Peter escorts Rick to an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.  The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course; the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72 degrees.  In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse.  Standing in front of the clubhouse are Bush 41 and Bush 43...and thousands of other Republicans who had helped him out over the years:  Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh.  The whole of the "Right" was there...everyone laughing...happy.... casually but expensively dressed.

They run to greet Rick, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at expense of the "suckers and peasants".  They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

The Devil himself comes up to Rick with a frosty drink, "Have a Margarita and relax, Rick!"  You should also check with Rush to see if he has any Oxycontin.

Rick takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes and pulls hilarious nasty pranks—like an Aggie yell leader.  They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it's time to go.  Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Rick steps on the elevator and heads upward.

When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and St. Peter is waiting for him.  "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate.

So for 24 hours Rick is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money, and treat each other decently.  No nasty pranks among them, no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster.  And these people are all poor, Rick doesn't see anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special!

Worst of all, to Rick, Jesus turns out to be some kind of Jewish hippie with his endless 'peace' and 'do unto others' jive.

"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself, "The religious right never prepared me for this!"

The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven.  Now choose where you want to live for eternity."

With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Rick reflects for a minute, then answers:  "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all --but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.

The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste--kind of like Houston.  Rick is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.

The Devil comes over to Rick and puts an arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers a shocked Rick, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar...drank booze. We screwed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us."

Comments
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laselva
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April 01, 2011
Salty-

I don't know how that bear trap got buried in the sand and you were most unfortunate to step on it. I'm sorry I goaded you into chewing your leg off by reading Das Capital out loud, but it was down to you or me. I too am a self-reliant survivor and I couldn't wait for you to croak on your own.

By using the now empty bear trap as flint, I was able to start a fire, and you were quite tasty.

Socialism. I hate to sound like a broken record, but our military, the one organization that you all seem to worship so much is totally socialist; including health, housing, pay grades, hierarchy, uniform appearance, a class separation of the bourgeoisie (officers) and the proletariat (enlisted men).

Oh yes, the socialist military depends on the government to survive too. Although I wouldn't call them lazy and shiftless if I were you.
smartdude
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April 01, 2011
Jobless rate is dropping the lowest in two years thank you President OBAMA.Tea baggers are doing somthing the democrats have not been able to do thats rip the republican party to pieces.Poor old cry baby Boehner don't know what to do about his problem children.Go tea baggers lmao.
Saltpork
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March 31, 2011
Can you believe this LW?

If you and I were stranded on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean and I had one leg caught in a bear trap I would chew that leg off at the hip, drag my bleeding body to the surf and swim off into the sunset.

For reasons I can't fathom Liberals like you want to create an America populated by people solely dependent on the Government to survive. I call that Socialism.