Editor:

It was with deep fascination that I read a column in the Aug. 12 edition of The Progress entitled Panty Particulars.

Like I’m supposed to ignore a headline like that!

This article, written by Kristy Orr, gives information regarding what type of underwear women should wear for certain body types and situations.

The article brings up a number of different questions. First of all, who decides who is qualified to determine standards on underwear or any other element of fashion? Taking this concept one step farther, who is Mrs. Orr to determine what the underwear habits of other women should be? Is she an official, certified underwear expert? Are her choices in the underwear department so superior to everyone else’s that she has been chosen as the Underwear Messiah?

That’s in the first place.

In the second place, unless it’s really windy or you bought the wrong size jeans, how is anyone going to know if you’re in compliance or not? Even with the two aforementioned conditions, one would have to be really nosey in order to know for sure. This could lead to some rather spectacular sociological misunderstandings and avoidable bloodshed.

Mrs. Orr pointed out in her article that the sight of panty lines is a definite no no. Why? Is this a federal law or something? To the best of my limited knowledge, we do not have federal statutes that state “No one shall have panty lines showing, subject to full prosecution of the law.” If such a statute did actually exist, we’d have to have an inspector and I can tell you this is a job I would not want. Especially if we follow another of Mrs. Orr’s recommendations that thongs are appropriate for women of all ages and all sizes. In the name of generic humanity, I’ll leave that image alone.

If these panty rules are absolute and therefore unbreakable without severe consequences, then who is responsible for enforcing them? Certainly not me. Probably not you either unless you really, REALLY need a hobby. You are not likely to go up to someone and say “Excuse me but your panty lines are showing and you’re in violation of local statues.”

Of course, that is in America where the penalites for non-compliance would be minimal at the worst. In Venuzuela or North Korea or some of those heathen countries, I guess they’d just shoot you.

I am also puzzled that Mrs. Orr stopped with panties and didn’t go on to tackle the subject of bras. We can only hope this is on her future agenda.

Regards,

Eddie Davis