I’d prefer not to discuss it with folks who don’t really understand it, and I don’t, but this particular person did understand.
There are stages of grief that we move in and out of and they are not linear or cyclic, they are random. I believe I’ve mentioned this before.
Another friend commented on “how far” I’d come in the past 2 1/2 years. I didn’t see it. I feel like I am still waiting to reach some point out ahead that keeps moving on me.
The “phone friend” and I lay that out and then we mentioned being in shock. She said she tends to go through periods of crying.
I do not like to cry and avoid it at all costs. It takes a lot to make me cry, and I’ve been there, even recently, but for me grief comes out in lethargy or lack of motivation. I simply cannot get myself moving sometimes.
The most important things get done, but I am forcing myself to do less immediate tasks.
Sometimes, I wander to the bunny trails that life offers us for distraction, and I find myself lost in a forest of meaningless duties.
For that reason, I keep a list of what I need and want to do and prioritize them.
Planning ahead helps a lot as well. This helps to keep me from feeling like I am wading through gelatin every day, or drifting through a fog. I’ve had to sit back and take stock of what is essential in my life and what is not. I’ve had to streamline.
Most helpful, for me, is that my children have gone back to school which gives me daytime hours to accomplish wanted and needed activities. Too, I have family and friends who come in to take my children for a while at other times which gives me a few hours of down time.
When I think about how independent I once was, I have to laugh. I am unable to say the same about myself now. I am very dependent upon family and friends to help me through these times.
Even more am I dependent upon Christ. Daily, and even moment-by-moment sometimes, I have to struggle with loss or heartache or disappointment in some form or fashion.
Life is a difficult journey at times. But when I read “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles. They shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint,” in Isaiah 40:31, I know that I can and I will make it through to the “other” side of this journey just fine.
God is my shepherd, I shall not want …