In the Dec. 16 issues of all my newspapers, I ran a bunch – and I mean a bunch – of letters to Santa all written by elementary students from all the schools in our area.

While standing on the newspapers that Dennis was reading, I myself read a number of these fantastic letters and knew right then that I needed to get in the middle of these requests and give my take on some of the selected letters. I have chosen to not include the names of the students, so I don’t get a lump of coal for Christmas. By the way, that is a real thing.

Here we go ...

Dear Santa, I want a reindeer and a baby horse.

From Frio, this is easy to fix. Ask for more Kats. Easier to feed, much more fun and a lot less money to feed.

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Dear Santa, I would like a rabbit and a snake.

From Frio, this is not going to turn out well.

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Dear Santa, I would like a puppy and toys.

From Frio, the toys I understand, especially if they are filled with catnip, but not the puppy. Get a Kat.

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Dear Santa, I would like a remote-control spider and a phone.

From Frio, I know a great deal about spiders since I spend so much time on the floor and believe me when I tell you that you don’t want one. They taste terrible. Not sure what a remote-control is, but if it has to do with bugs, stay away.

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Dear Santa, I would like a PS5, a million dollars, a real diamond for my mom and a big bull to ride.

From Frio, what the heck are you going to do with a million dollars? If Santa did bring that much cash, you can buy your mom a very big diamond and yourself a massively big bull, but the chances of you riding it are not in your favor. Here’s a great thought, spend that million on me!

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Dear Santa, I would like a go-cart, jet ski and a Lamborghini.

From Frio, I want to talk to your Santa myself.

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Dear Santa, I want a 4-wheeler, a drone and an electric scooter.

From Frio, none of these items, while enviable, will help you get in great physical shape like me and that should be on your Santa list.

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Dear Santa, I want kitty ears, doggie ears and a toy car I can drive.

From Frio, I will be happy to help Santa get you the doggie ears, but the kitty ears are out of the question, the toy car you can drive is OK if you don’t drive under the influence of too much candy.

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Dear Santa, I would like 4 Husky dogs, a German Shepherd and a Mom Husky.

From Frio, this may be a bit too direct, but with that many big dogs your backyard will be covered with doggie landmines, walk carefully!

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Dear Santa, I would like a sticky hand that grabs money.

From Frio, five to 10 depending on good behavior.

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Dear Santa, I would like a rock-n-roll guitar, a drum set and a piano.

From Frio, you might ask for earphones for everyone in your family and your neighbors. Just a thought.

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Dear Santa, how are the elves? I would like a pet kat, kat food and a collar for the kat. I love kats.

From Frio, if things don’t work out here at the newspaper, count me in. You obviously are one of the brightest bulbs on the Christmas tree.

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This research and brilliant recommendations have been a blast. I look forward to sharing my brilliance next year as well.

Please stop in and wish all of us a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas.

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