Hello Frio! My name is Duke, and I live in Carlisle, Pennsylvania. I have seen pictures of you in the Bee-Picayune along with your columns. I look just like you, with orange and white stripes, but my fur’s a little lighter colored, and I have a little more heft… ok fine, I’m pretty chubby. Anyways my owner, Ana, just went to visit you in Beeville a couple of weeks ago with her grandmother Kay, and she told me that you were really cute and soft. Even if you are cute, I am cute too so don’t let it get to your head.
I read about your… incident with the ink in the newspaper office, which I found very hilarious for the humans, but as cats we must keep our dignity, which you obviously betrayed by being clumsy and messy! I am older than you; I am 3, and a little bit more experienced with humans and dealing with messes, which you need to learn as well. Take a bath at least 18 times per day to stay clean, and if you don’t know what something is, or who someone is, run and hide for at least 2 hours so you are safe. You can also wait for someone who you do know to come get you, because it shows that you are the boss and they want your attention. I do that a lot at home – I once saw a pen drop from the kitchen table, and I decided it was dangerous so I ran to my owner’s room (Ana) because it is safe there, and guess what!? She came to get me! It works every time, because humans are so needy, and I always have to supply them with love, attention and entertainment. They think I’m a total ’fraidy cat, but it’s actually about showing them who’s the boss.
I have a feline brother, Micky, and he’s my exact same age but he’s black and white—what they call a tuxedo cat, and he thinks he’s all fancy. We were adopted the same day from a shelter in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and I have been putting up with him ever since. Micky is a lot smaller than me, so it’s easy for me to take him down. Like yesterday, when Ana’s brother was shining a laser pen on the rug for me to chase, and Micky didn’t like that I was getting a lot of attention, so he attacked me and jumped on me! I thought I was gonna have a heart attack, but I fought back, and he ran away.
So anyways, humans want our attention, so you have to give it to them so you can get all of the treats and rubs later on. Over the past year I got a lot of attention because Ana didn’t go away during the day for a long time. Instead, she sat in her room for a lot of time, watching some kind of rectangle thing with pictures on it. I sat in her lap pretending to care but mostly just sleeping. I only paid attention during something I heard her call ‘band’, when the people in the little boxes were waving instruments around and someone she called the ‘director’ was trying to make them move around at the same time. I don’t really know what they were doing, but it’s always a good idea to make the people around you think you care about what they’re doing. That makes them love you even more.
I know I have given you lots of tips and stories, but I enjoyed talking to you, and I hope you will use some of the tips I gave you to get in less trouble and get more treats! If we rescue kitties stick together, we can rule the world!
Your friend from Pennsylvania,